The burden on my chest became lighter as hot tears trickled down my cheeks. My heart was expanding like the ocean, the waves breaking on all the shores, all at once, creating a chasm. But the bottom was not stony or rigid. It was somewhere between the solid and liquid, in an indefinable state. And warm and heavy like the slithering movement of a snake.

And long after when I was fully awake, I shed another silent warm tear for the indescribable loss I experienced in that virgin moment of the day. That tear merged me with the entity of my dream who was drowning in profound grief for eternity.

The entity looked with grieving eyes at the pearly gates on the other side. They no longer looked hospitable. The pleasant, white, pure dreams could not shine in those tear stained eyes. It was not the flesh, the impending loss of which was so discomforting. The heart ached for something else.

The children went first; two unsuspecting bright souls that chimed like silver bells on a beautiful day. The white robed devil with a peaceful smile was already leading them to the higher worlds. Their sight was not endearing to the troubled heart any more.

The entity sat in scarlet clothes of death with a tattered soul pining for the loss of something that the higher worlds could never bestow. And it sat and moaned and celebrated its grief ignoring the golden gates of heaven.

For it had never known love.


The Life Purpose

What is the purpose of my life?

Every time I face a difficult situation, this question makes its way to my head, making me believe for a while that I’m indeed an existentialist. But before long, I argue myself out of it in an agreeable fashion. This time the conclusion I’ve reached is so fascinating that I’ve decided to share it with my readers. Read on…what if I am able to help you fix this problem called life? Maybe I’ve found an answer which you would only be too glad to understand and analyze!

Well, this question first came to me when I was an adolescent. I even tried to share it with one of my literature professors, but he just smiled and shrugged, thinking that an ambivalent attitude would be the best way to get out of the dilemma. He was a poor man who had received a scholarship and a gold medal at the end of his university years. Once I watched him long enough from a train, when he was standing just on the opposite side, on a platform, looking at the ground near his feet, contemplating hard. What was he thinking about? I do not want to define the feelings that I experienced at this sight. It is enough to say that, that image of my professor has stayed in my mind forever. The reason I bring him here is because, what he conveyed to me was, in spite of all the odds he had decided to look at the brighter side of his life, and somehow he had turned that into a life purpose.

Yes, that is what I’ve been taught by everybody ever since I have faced any difficulties.

Now as an exercise, let’s erase all that we have been taught. Let’s unlearn what has been drilled into our heads since childhood. No, I’m not going to tell you how bad the world is. I don’t want to talk about the entity called soul. Neither will I dive into Karma theory. I won’t even bring in quantum mechanics.

What I’ve discovered when I unlearned all these theories and facts about life and living is that our life indeed has a purpose and it makes me smile because just a decade ago I was so full of doubts about it and wished I was never born. I looked for answers everywhere.

I looked at the people around me who told me earning a lot of money was the true purpose of life and I tried doing that. But I soon realized I was not ambitious for material things. Then there were others who said that work is worship, and I took a job to dedicate myself to some purpose. But, it got tiring after a while and still I do not have a clue why I was doing it. A quick resignation followed. Then I went to the temples to understand what religion has to offer. Other than faith it had nothing to offer and alas I could not pray. So I turned to books to seek answers and I found many interesting people and guides there who had interesting theories that stimulated the mind and for a while I wanted to trust them and adopt their ways. But then, again, the wisdom they shared was too difficult to imitate and adopt. So then I turned to spirituality which took me on a journey to seek my soul. But again it was an arduous journey. I soon learned that I couldn’t eliminate the petty desires of my senses.

So, did that mean at the end, I had not found any purpose? Any concrete evidence of what I was supposed to do with my life?


The answer that I was seeking was beautifully hidden in the question itself. The word ‘LIFE’ which I considered as a noun was in fact a verb. The purpose of life was life itself. To live and experience life. To see it ripen and embrace the nature from which it had risen for a brief time. To see it falling down, getting charred, and then rising like a phoenix, innumerable times. To see it rolling a stone up the mountain like a Sisyphus forever and ever. To see it condemned to Hell like Satan. To experience the anguish of being banished from the Garden of Eden again and again. But to also enjoy the brief period of bliss before the Fall.

The only logical question that arises here is about death.

How could the fact, that we die, also retain the meaning and purpose of life? What is the life purpose of a body which has been mutilated, raped, abused? What about mental illness, what about cancer, hunger, famine, poverty, incarceration? How do these experiences give meaning to life? Why do we experience such intense and extreme realities, if we can call them so?

So, as we say, youll never know until it happens to you. The people who suffer such extreme realities, are here to experience life as it has been given to them. And when we learn to take an experience for its own sake, we actually learn something consequential from it. Some of us somehow need to experience that variation of our existence. It is an experience ‘meant’ for some of us to lead us on some other path. It is an experience not ordained, but perpetrated by the desires of an uncivilized, discontented race of human beings.

And there is nothing pessimistic about it. Just like there is nothing optimistic about gaining fame! We are not here to argue if experiences are good or bad, but just that these are the experiences that have to be experienced.

So each life has a unique purpose. And that is to experience the unique journey of life that has been charted for you. Your experiences are going to be unique and all your own. These are the real treasures of your existence. And no amount of experiences borrowed from others, ‘wise or otherwise’, is going to make the journey any easier or difficult for you.

Life as we know it

I learned about absurdism when I was in college, when I was nineteen years old. In a way, I was too young or inexperienced to understand why absurdist questions troubled some men – literary men. I was studying so that I could become educated and get myself a well paying job once I finished my education. There was meaning in what I was doing or hoping for my future. And so I understood absurdism in a very narrow-minded way. I concluded that since we are all going to die eventually, achievement is a fruitless exercise. I considered absurdism as a preoccupation with death.

But I never believed that there was no purpose to my life. After all there was a purpose why I was learning literature. But for a young adult who has been well provided for and who comprehends the privilege of a college education, the concept of existentialism is hardly going to make sense. And once I completed my graduation, and started making my mark on the world, I realized that the world is a ripe place waiting for me to savour its delights. Everywhere I looked there were objects and people who gratified my senses. Fascinated with what I saw, felt and devoured, I was convinced that life not only had a purpose but much more to offer generously to anybody who stood before it with open arms.

But then, all of a sudden, a shattering experience left an eternal emptiness in my heart which no amount of love or care could refill. And that is when I became so preoccupied with my suffering, so much, that the world became a dismal place. No amount of optimistic advice was capable of bringing me out of my despair and wretchedness. And as I deliberated upon this preoccupation with suffering, I realized that I was also unhappy about the fact that I cannot allow the world to make me happy – the same world which just a while ago stood before me with a beatific smile. No matter how much I tried, I could not fill the vacuum that was left by that experience. When I thought I’d reconciled myself to that pain, I realized it was nothing but an attempt to fill the ditch with loose earth, which gave in the moment the lightest memory of that incident stepped on it.

What was I going to do, but live with it!

This effort to struggle with the pain and anguish gradually led me to believe that there was indeed no meaning to my life. The meaninglessness stemmed from the fact that I was unable to reconcile with my pain. Had I never experienced such anguish, I’d have continued existing blissfully without a thought to absurdism.

There were limited options I could try, to continue to exist and try to rekindle the love and delight for the wide world once again. The most appealing one was to commit ‘philosophical suicide’ that is, to seek God and find a lofty purpose in the anguish I suffered. And as I started healing myself by reworking on my brain center, a new thought occurred to me. What if I encounter such pain all over again? How will I adjust to a world or this nature who grants happiness and suffering at brief intervals? I’d lost my naiveté, a belief in a utopian world, because it could not safeguard me from despair. The only comfort I could derive for myself was from an idea called God which existed outside the material world.

When I further deliberated upon the metaphysical codes, I realized that a belief in the idea of a God invalidates existence in human form. The material world is mere illusion, or we experience an illusion of matter as the scientists now call it. Then, this corroborates the absurdist claim that the attempt to find meaning in life is futile.

And this meaningless scramble will not come to light unless one experiences suffering.

Therefore, the whole purpose of our life is to learn scientifically as well as metaphysically, through extreme suffering, that this existence is non-existent!

The question is once again: Why?


I was almost heading to my bedroom, when I suddenly realized I’m happy as I just finished one of my longer projects, and I can look forward to a relaxing vacation, which I’ve decided to spend in one of the ‘hippie lands’ more about which I’ll tell you later..I’m sure I’ll have a lot to write about it, once I’m back…

So, today’s post is going to be about Imitation. Why are we so hell bent on imitating others? It is nice to be inspired by brave people, borrow and learn from their qualities, but to imitate them, try to mold ourselves just like them, how stupid could that be? Why don’t we realize that hidden within us is immense untapped potential? Why don’t we look for it instead? It’d be so much more inspiring than the idols we choose to follow! I believe each one of us is born a great artist, but we do not chisel ourselves enough. We fear to tread the deeper waters. That’s exactly what’s keeping us in our comfort zone and not letting us evolve. Why don’t we make it a habit to leave our comfort zones once in a while and try doing something different? It takes a great deal of courage.

When I quit my job to write a novel, it made me very scared. But I couldn’t control the impulse. I could almost hear by heart thudding loudly against my chest, as I was taking that life changing step. Two years later, now, I’m alright! Doing very good! Nothing (the terrible things) that I imagined happened! I did survive the ordeal. In fact, I understood the process of creation in its totality. I experienced the apprehension as well as the joy of birthing a book! I feel so confident about my creative skills that I believe I can birth a book again and again. And most of all I now know I will be alright!

Had fear consumed me, I would not have learned anything at all. I would have continued to work, cursing my wretched life, carrying the unfulfilled desire of writing a book…all life..! (Doesn’t this sound more terrible?)

I see that most people around me are obsessed only with the idea of earning more wealth. The fear of losing a job is so great on their minds that they turn a cold shoulder to their dreams. I wish they’d read some D H Lawrence. But they do not have enough time for that! They are busy imitating each other…begging for approval from like-minded beings who have burnt their own dreams too. Everybody is busy killing their joy and calling it a life…

Imitation is good, it tells you how to survive, but it will not teach you how to evolve. You have to find your unique way and cultivate the courage to walk down that path.

We fear, not knowing that we are all the children of Earth, protected and cared for by the Earth herself. Just look at a bird’s nest and think how it survives a rainstorm…we are capable of so much more, than building a sturdy nest on a tiny branch! Google it, or just try to find how a North node in the ascendant affects a person, which is what made me write this small mini-rebellious post… Go, do something strange!




May be it has something to do with Saturn retrograde, or maybe I’m just created with a peculiar mind. Yes, I’ve been learning Vedic astrology since a few years now, and it has been the most calming influence, so far, in my life. No, I don’t tell you where to look for money or when you are going to get hitched. I’m more interested in what you are, how you have been living your life, what patterns you follow, and what is your life purpose. I don’t have a magic potion to end your suffering. Oh my god, why am I even writing all this! This post is not about astrology.

Astrology was just one source which has led me to understand this:

We follow certain ideologies in life, which lead us to material success. If we do not play the ‘observer’ in life, these ideologies are so deeply imprinted on our selves that we refuse to look beyond these though processes. After all why would we, if they guarantee success? Why would we, if our actions fulfill our desires. Why would we, if our actions fit the norm followed by the society? Why would we, if we are surrounded by hypocrites or well-wishers, who are in awe of our achievements? So, the moment success knocks on our dead doors, we think we have achieved our life purpose. What I have realized that people have a very limited understanding of the term success. It is mostly limited to material achievements and nothing else. This makes them disregard so many other things in life, at which they are truly successful!

When I was young, the thought that I have to study so that I can use my knowledge to earn a living, was never impressed on my mind. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your world view, I was brought up differently. I was allowed to study psychology when I was fascinated by it. I was allowed to study literature when I wanted to. I was given the freedom to explore and not be bound by the rigid norms of my surroundings which at once showed shocking disappointment when I did not choose to study science, engineering or medicine!

But now that I see the entire picture, I realize, I had to choose psychology and literature so that I could share my views on this blog, so that I could understand the subconscious patterns described in astrology. So that I could help people understand why they suffer! Again, I was only following a pattern that was shaping my life purpose. Some call it destiny in a mythical sense.

Our entire life is a small part that has to fit somewhere perfectly in a puzzle. But we fail to see the whole picture and our heads are filled up with pride. Pride in our bloody existence! I do not discount that. Pride becomes a sort of defense mechanism to help us self-validate our existence and stick to our life purpose…to help us play our part perfectly and confidently in this society. After all, a doctor needs to know he is necessary for his service towards humanity, for his service towards his fellowmen!

So, as we follow these subconscious patterns, we may feel confused, if our views and actions do not lead us to material success. This limited view of material success is toxic because it tells us whatever you do, it has to fetch you materials! And things that do not bring material success are mere hobbies, to be dabbled in, in your free time. And the way we treat people, stems exactly from this thought process.

According to me, our ability to think beyond this, to understand how people are created differently and have unique life purpose will help us become more loving and friendly fellow men. In other words, success should make us better human beings…but, here’s the catch…even if it doesn’t, you are still playing your unique part…


In my mid thirties, I have finally understood what power is, and what I can do with it!

I’ve always been an assertive go-getter; had the good fortune to achieve a lot of material things in my life that boosted my self-esteem and have also attained the wisdom to be grateful for it. However, until recently, I was only concerned about my reflection that I could see in others’ eyes; it had nothing to do with what I really wanted. I pretended to be ambitious because I wanted to stand amongst successful people. I pretended to be friendly because I wanted to portray a good social image. I pretended to so many other things so that I could be valued, accepted, revered! And then I pretended to be powerful!

Do you think, any of this really defined my success? I did not have any freedom as long as I was pretending to do something that I wasn’t or wasn’t interested in. Of course it elevated my self-esteem, but then I sometimes think it was an ego trip. It is too difficult to decide actually, because ego is what keeps you evolving. You are dead without your ego. Ego is always there. But then, you can always stop feeding your ego!

It so happened, that I began contemplating and realized that I was not happy. Not happy with anything that I had in my life. Yes, I was grateful, for not being in a worse condition, which did not trap me in a depressive state. But still I was not happy and it made me miserable. I could foresee a long stretch of ennui spread before me, which told me achieving more and more is not going to be enough! I had to do something to bring the ‘real delight’ back.

The ‘eureka’ moment was long in coming. It took me more than a decade to struggle, defeat the recurring doubts and come to terms with myself. And this coming to terms with myself, is what I call my power. It took me a lot of solitary, soul-searching moments, and sometimes depression bordering on madness, till I realized what really mattered.

I decided to be honest. And at once, my inner being became completely aligned with my outer being. This I believe is power: Accepting yourself as you are.

Now, I do not worry what kind of an impression I make, where I stand in this crazy world, what I have achieved; there is no more obsessing about the things I have lost or want to attain. I feel free about expressing myself, not over-thinking if it sounds crazy or stupid. I speak honestly about the things that I really enjoy, even if it is as simple as building shapeless sand castles on the beach. I’m more delighted about my creative abilities, not worrying about chiseling it to perfection. I’m equally accepting of my inherent limitations, without feeling miserable about it.

But it is not a helpless resignation to the fact.

It is a complete acceptance of my capabilities—things which I can do and things that I cannot. You can say I’m completely true to myself without feeling the need to prove my worth or hide my imperfections.

This true or honest acceptance of your self is ‘power’ and the only thing you should use it for, is to enlighten others and help them appraise themselves honestly.

(Note: Take a journey within or without..)

Being Creative

I went out today. I traveled by a local train in the Mumbai city in the peak hours surrounded by a rush of ladies enthusiastically hoping in and out of the crowded train. Once I found myself a not so comfortable place to stand, holding one of the bench rods, my curious mind started observing the women around me. I hardly travel, because I work from home; so when I do get a chance to board a train, I’m always a little curious. Now, I’m not going to tell you about my observations; it’d be pretty boring…and people I assume are the same everywhere, except for the intensity of their emotions…

What I discovered was pretty amazing, so amazing that I decided to blog about it. If you have noticed, I usually write about spirituality and philosophy…So here I go again…what I discovered was so highly philosophical or spiritual, that it took my breath away; and in that crowded train where I was almost suffocated, perspiring profusely, as I traveled to my destination in the scorching month of May, I suddenly began to enjoy myself.

Let me tell you what I discovered!

Spirituality says that this world is an illusion, and our five senses are responsible for this delusion. In other words, it means that whatever we see is constructed by our mind, including our identity, and it does not exist at all. As humans, we know it’s very difficult to understand this because we are so caught by the fantastic sights that are presented to our sense organs. We can only call it real.

But then, let’s for a minute actually think that what we are experiencing is a delusion and a construct of our veiled mind. What would that make us? It would make us the supreme creator of this reality! How often do we think poorly of our creative skills? Because we have an ideal in our mind, to which we constantly compare it with. And we then pass a very poor judgment on our creative abilities to the point of saying we are not at all creative! How sad is that!

We are creative beings, and we create our delusions right since we are born. The way things and people make an impression on our mind, is so unique that it cannot be compared to someone else’s perception!

Right in front of me there were faces of all kinds of women, beautiful, strange, worried, sad, happy, greedy, wicked and so many more…wearing so many different shades of clothes, each different from the other!

Have you ever noticed two random people wearing a same dress…How creative our minds could be!

And as I traveled, I watched and watched and watched!




Love Your Neighbor

I am free today, and utilizing this freedom to pen my thoughts. I wish I could transmit my thoughts to a device the instant they occur in my head. If I have the capabilities to invent anything, it would be such a device…I know I can write at least one blog post each day, but then, I’m too busy making a living, and focus on these ‘non-material’ activities when, maybe, my subconscious takes over…

Before I forget and write something totally different than what I intend to, let me get to the point. I’ve suddenly realized how I could free myself from the web of illusions that have firmly gripped me. I wish the Bible could elucidate more on what it means by Love your Neighbour…

Some of us are atheists because most of the religious teachings are left to be understood intuitively. Interpretations by a religious leader are not enough, because the answer is only revealed or experienced in a flash, when lightning strikes down upon one of the darkest corners of our self. Lightning is dangerous; playing with it is self-immolation…Our religious leaders are in fact very kind, motherly, in their affection for us, to not allow us to play with the lightning…Why bother bringing the moon to the child, when its reflection is equally entertaining?

But then, some of us actually play with the lightning and burn ourselves in the process…some luckier ones remain alive dazed by the spectacular sight, and unable to express the experience in human terms… but having been touched by the divinity, become a mini-idol for others to be revered..but can anyone duplicate the lightning?

So why should we love the neighbor? Why don’t they tell us, it is not your neighbor, but only you? That you are going to love yourself? That your neighbor is not a neighbor but a reflection of your own self? That you are actually all alone…scary, isn’t it? The most amazing thing is that our mind is so well protected by defense mechanisms that it can convert any scary thing into totally absurd…! Then why not tell the truth? Because the result is not apparent…you give all your money to a beggar and then you are totally broke. But have you actually given all your money to a beggar? But how conveniently we believe that a neighbor is a neighbor and nothing else and he should be loved…but then you are so selfish that you cannot love him at all! You are so jealous of him, that you would kill him if you are not kept in check by the government…!

What a mess! So before I decide not to publish this, let me just hit the Publish button….






What philosophy we adopt to get by in life depends mainly on our personality, brain power, and our ability to detach ourselves from the event.

A person conditioned by materialistic values, on having come across a difficult ego-threatening issue for the first time, is not going to understand the ‘power of now’ immediately. The first challenge for this person would be to be aware that the inherent problem lies within him and not the external event. His ability to accept, understand and then work on this knowledge would determine the chances of weeding out the problem. On the other hand, the inability to recognize the root problem will provide solutions that will only tackle the problem superficially only to return after a short while. Moreover, if he is completely unaware of his intuitive abilities, or cannot access the spiritual recesses of his being, he may never be able to successfully resolve a problem and may even turn bitter towards life.

According to me, this is the real reason why we do not resolve our problems. We fail to find the culprit.

Now suppose, we successfully analyze the problem and come up with a proper solution… how often do we have the courage to accept it, implement it, and get rid of our troubles once and for all?

Your job doesn’t make you happy? Why not quit it at once? You can’t because you have responsibilities…and you have been conditioned to consider sacrifice and responsibilities nobler than your individual desires.

Now let’s suppose, we even take that great step and get rid of the trouble… again, can we completely detach ourselves from it? How often does it keep playing on our mind? All the time!

We even wish in our desperation that we had not done that! We keep looking back all the time, and are unable to see the future. Now, adding fuel to the earlier responsibility factor is the new ‘fear of the future’ factor.

So in the end, you do not get rid of the problem at all; instead you create new situations in which you feel more lost than before.

On the other hand, if you understand that the problem lies within you, can be effected only with a change in your attitude, and you are able to detach yourselves from the ‘apparently’ embarrassing or humiliating events, then you have learned to overcome the problem. Again, doing it once will not ensure that you can do it again successfully. Every time it takes great determination to do the right thing, until practice makes it occur perfectly..!




The quality of our life depends on how intensely or deeply we experience a certain emotion. This in turn determines the kind of person we turn out to be. Emotions, and not the physical experience, determine how we develop and evolve. That is, the stimulus becomes ‘the stimulus’, only if there is an emotional reaction to it. Moreover, the intensity of the reaction determines the worth of that stimulus.

To elucidate, what one may consider a great piece of art may well be a lifeless statue for another. The sculpture in itself does not have any value unless we respond to its art and beauty. Our ability to get inspired lies not outside, but within us. This also means that no matter where you live and what you do, if you do not connect deeply with your surroundings, you will be nothing more than a rolling stone, and you know the proverb…

Now why is it so important to gather all that moss? It is to learn more about ourselves.

As human beings we love being unique and have unique experiences. But, we can never have unique experiences because we do not have any unique emotions. The emotions are all the same, experienced in the same way all over the world. How can you be differently happy or sad from someone else? The intensity of the emotion and the occasion varies considerably, but then, we do not learn from the stimulus, unless there is something within us that helps us interact with that stimulus.

In other words, a book and a film can inspire a reader and an audience respectively in exactly the same way, if they have an identical response to the stimulus. The personal/spiritual/emotional growth in these two ‘subjects’ will be exactly the same if they experience the same level or intensity of inspiration and entertainment from two completely different sources. This also applies when these two ‘subjects’ belong to completely different sections of the society or parts of the world. A happy occasion makes you happy, and an unhappy one, sad.

Therefore it applies that, it does not matter where you are, what you do, and what you have or have not. It also does not matter what stimulus you choose.

This is because our growth or evolution is not dependent just on what we are exposed to. It depends on how deeply we can connect with someone or something. And the good news is that, we have all the tools at our disposal to make this deep connection. It’s just a matter of learning to make use of these tools.

Proving Yourself 

I’ll show you what I’m capable of..! As intelligent knowledgeable beings who have learned psychology, we know this feeling surfaces when our security is threatened.
The resentment, anger or the humiliation that we feel when someone keeps us away from our rightful ownership of something is expressed perfectly using these few words. However, what it also does, is, keeps us in an unresolved and burning state of ambition that fuels our dissatisfaction and insecurity further.
To avenge ourselves for an illusory injustice, we keep struggling against an invisible enemy. I’m not drifting towards my spiritual talk to highlight the illusory nature of our reality. Allow me to discuss the material and emotional aspects of our life…The feeling of proving yourself can be very acute and real in some cases. What helps in such cases is a change of attitude. What works best in such painful moments is a change in the direction of our thoughts.
As teens, how important it was for us to have our opinions accepted, to be considered as a valuable and intelligent member of a group, or simply considered different for our unique views on life and living…! We still feel the same and carry those same immature views with us, sometimes right to our graves…In short, we feel we need to prove ourselves because we never grow up!

No..this is not what you need to know.

Let’s still consider that our feelings are genuine and significant. What will act as an elixir here is to first understand that what others think about us is not important at all. This is called adapting to a threatening environment, usually effected by defence mechanisms.

Secondly, does it actually matter if you are considered something other than what you really are? “Okay, so you think I’m stupid. That’s okay as long as I know who I am.” This can be termed as self-confidence.

The third most important thing is to understand you can achieve anything as long as you believe you can..This may require intense power of your will and positive intention…a belief in the inherent beauty and goodness of life.

So, as you now have the power to become exactly what someone says you can’t be, the whole idea of proving yourself becomes redundant! It becomes a matter of choice and free will and the knowledge of this superiority makes it so easy to take the correct path..

This is pure knowledge or enlightenment..

We always carry the seed of possibilities within ourselves. We just do not water it enough, neither do we give it enough light. That, I believe, is the reason we ‘think’ we fail. And…to mask our apparent failure, we engage in more psychologically destructive activities like proving ourselves.


What do you do when everything fails to make you happy? Why does it become imperative to find joy in everything? Why do we seek fulfillment in all that we do?
Why do we come to this stage of utter dissatisfaction with everything?

They say you are aimless, you don’t have a vision…but your biological make up allows you a limited vision.
You have been taught to dream the dreams that you dream, and so by default you have a stupid vision…which is actually an illusion, let’s make it poetic, and call it a hallucination… not your fault, really…

What do you do next? Unfortunately, you are a rational creature.

You decide to curse your life silently under your breath, and feeling intensely the mortality of your life, continue dreaming the same static dreams.
How long? How far will you go?

They also organize games and say you will be rewarded…and keep the reward unattainable… No one really knows what it is…but all of you have been trying very hard…and…

I’m sick of this all…and see the demoniac…


I did nothing this weekend, by which I mean, I did nothing productive this weekend (other than writing this post), and it has left me with an overpowering sense of uselessness and thoughts of an aimless existence. But on the other hand, I needed a break because I have been working really very hard the past week almost to the point of exhaustion. This has made me wonder how do I achieve a balance between these two states of being.

And then I realized I would never be able to feel really comfortable with what I’m doing. By being comfortable I do not mean happy nor do I want to derive a purpose from my activity or feel proud of it. Being comfortable simply means to want to attain the mechanical state of doing without any emotional attachment to the actions.

As I was absorbed thinking along these lines, I made an amazing discovery. Let me share it with you..

We will never feel comfortable with what we are doing because at the subtlest level, the idea of work is related to matter and to achieve any kind of sense from it is the work of the ego. The main reason we feel uncomfortable is because matter changes constantly and the ego derives meaning from matter. This means that if we align more with the ego, we are going to derive meaning, aim, purpose, everything from the matter that is constantly shape shifting. This is bound to keep us in a restless state of existence, which may be perceived as unstable and not something to look forward to (the best example is how we tend to find stability and security in every damned thing on this planet!).

But if we align ourselves with the soul which is eternal and unchanging, we may not feel ‘uncomfortable’. The real difficulty is to make this journey from matter to soul, and it happens when you start living in the present and become an observer, not only of everything around you, but also of yourself, of the matter that you are made of!