Relationship

I have south node in the 7th house which also receives a beneficial 5th aspect from Jupiter. What does it mean? It means it makes me a good marriage/relationship counselor. The testimony to this reading is the fact that, over the years, I’ve counseled many of my friends who have been having issues with their spouses. It never occurred to me that I was becoming a marriage counselor!

All these years, I’ve been reiterating just one thing which I strongly believe is important for good relationships. Expect little to avoid a big disappointment (which is not easy). However, today I realized something more important, a conclusion to this short statement here.

This is again not easy, unless one is ready to bring about a shift in their perception. So, logically that’s the first thing to do: Change the perception.. let’s see how I can explain it without digressing further..

One of the recurring problems that I’ve seen in relationships is the frustration bordering on depression for one’s inability to adjust with the spouse’s/partner’s behavior. Further, one desires a change in the spouse’s behavior that matches with one’s expectation of what is right or wrong. Inability to bring about this change results in needless quarrels, and a lot of misunderstandings, and the couple is usually locked in this state on irresolution for a really long time (forever).

I do not promote a change in behavior as a resolution to this problem. Usually, at this stage, when you talk to the partners, both are defiant and already playing the blame game to the best of their abilities. Both think they are correct from the way they perceive the situation. The fact is both are right!

I strongly believe that a change in behavior is not possible at all. A person is born with a package of qualities that are unfolded at different stages of the person’s life. There is no way you can change those qualities unless one is subjected to a strong conditioning exercise (even then it may not work). That is you cannot force a person to change. Therefore, the only solution that works here is a change in one’s perception and to accept the person for what he/she is. (This applies to both partners). This reiterates the first statement: Expect little. That is, do not expect the person will change. Do not even keep any false hopes that the person will change to a pattern of your liking.

The next thing to do, and this is important, is to accept that your partner is behaving in exactly a way that is useful for his/her personal development, as well as your growth on every level. Maybe the partner’s stubbornness and anger is necessary for him to develop his confidence; maybe her carelessness is a way of responding to a change, so that it does not affect her emotionally; maybe her refusal to be responsible is a deep seated fear, that she will gradually come to terms with; maybe her refusal to interact or socialize is necessary for spiritual development, maybe his naivety is necessary to add joy to his life….how many more examples can I give?

The best thing is that all this is making the other partner a better human being.

You are growing in ways you never realized was possible. A relationship is the best way to learn everything about human nature, provided you have the correct way of perceiving the lessons. Just branding a partner as careless, quarrelsome, angry, or irresponsible, is not teaching you anything, (and believe me, they are not that at all; your partner is simply a gift, and you need to decide what you want to do with them) or even adding value to your life. The real learning happens when you start analyzing the effects that the relationship causes. This will automatically bring about the required change in the partners and they will learn to respond with care, admiration, fun and love! What each partner needs is an acceptance of their true self.

Inability to accept someone fully is therefore, the main reason of disappointment.

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Power

In my mid thirties, I have finally understood what power is, and what I can do with it!

I’ve always been an assertive go-getter; had the good fortune to achieve a lot of material things in my life that boosted my self-esteem and have also attained the wisdom to be grateful for it. However, until recently, I was only concerned about my reflection that I could see in others’ eyes; it had nothing to do with what I really wanted. I pretended to be ambitious because I wanted to stand amongst successful people. I pretended to be friendly because I wanted to portray a good social image. I pretended to so many other things so that I could be valued, accepted, revered! And then I pretended to be powerful!

Do you think, any of this really defined my success? I did not have any freedom as long as I was pretending to do something that I wasn’t or wasn’t interested in. Of course it elevated my self-esteem, but then I sometimes think it was an ego trip. It is too difficult to decide actually, because ego is what keeps you evolving. You are dead without your ego. Ego is always there. But then, you can always stop feeding your ego!

It so happened, that I began contemplating and realized that I was not happy. Not happy with anything that I had in my life. Yes, I was grateful, for not being in a worse condition, which did not trap me in a depressive state. But still I was not happy and it made me miserable. I could foresee a long stretch of ennui spread before me, which told me achieving more and more is not going to be enough! I had to do something to bring the ‘real delight’ back.

The ‘eureka’ moment was long in coming. It took me more than a decade to struggle, defeat the recurring doubts and come to terms with myself. And this coming to terms with myself, is what I call my power. It took me a lot of solitary, soul-searching moments, and sometimes depression bordering on madness, till I realized what really mattered.

I decided to be honest. And at once, my inner being became completely aligned with my outer being. This I believe is power: Accepting yourself as you are.

Now, I do not worry what kind of an impression I make, where I stand in this crazy world, what I have achieved; there is no more obsessing about the things I have lost or want to attain. I feel free about expressing myself, not over-thinking if it sounds crazy or stupid. I speak honestly about the things that I really enjoy, even if it is as simple as building shapeless sand castles on the beach. I’m more delighted about my creative abilities, not worrying about chiseling it to perfection. I’m equally accepting of my inherent limitations, without feeling miserable about it.

But it is not a helpless resignation to the fact.

It is a complete acceptance of my capabilities—things which I can do and things that I cannot. You can say I’m completely true to myself without feeling the need to prove my worth or hide my imperfections.

This true or honest acceptance of your self is ‘power’ and the only thing you should use it for, is to enlighten others and help them appraise themselves honestly.

(Note: Take a journey within or without..)