Relationship

I have south node in the 7th house which also receives a beneficial 5th aspect from Jupiter. What does it mean? It means it makes me a good marriage/relationship counselor. The testimony to this reading is the fact that, over the years, I’ve counseled many of my friends who have been having issues with their spouses. It never occurred to me that I was becoming a marriage counselor!

All these years, I’ve been reiterating just one thing which I strongly believe is important for good relationships. Expect little to avoid a big disappointment (which is not easy). However, today I realized something more important, a conclusion to this short statement here.

This is again not easy, unless one is ready to bring about a shift in their perception. So, logically that’s the first thing to do: Change the perception.. let’s see how I can explain it without digressing further..

One of the recurring problems that I’ve seen in relationships is the frustration bordering on depression for one’s inability to adjust with the spouse’s/partner’s behavior. Further, one desires a change in the spouse’s behavior that matches with one’s expectation of what is right or wrong. Inability to bring about this change results in needless quarrels, and a lot of misunderstandings, and the couple is usually locked in this state on irresolution for a really long time (forever).

I do not promote a change in behavior as a resolution to this problem. Usually, at this stage, when you talk to the partners, both are defiant and already playing the blame game to the best of their abilities. Both think they are correct from the way they perceive the situation. The fact is both are right!

I strongly believe that a change in behavior is not possible at all. A person is born with a package of qualities that are unfolded at different stages of the person’s life. There is no way you can change those qualities unless one is subjected to a strong conditioning exercise (even then it may not work). That is you cannot force a person to change. Therefore, the only solution that works here is a change in one’s perception and to accept the person for what he/she is. (This applies to both partners). This reiterates the first statement: Expect little. That is, do not expect the person will change. Do not even keep any false hopes that the person will change to a pattern of your liking.

The next thing to do, and this is important, is to accept that your partner is behaving in exactly a way that is useful for his/her personal development, as well as your growth on every level. Maybe the partner’s stubbornness and anger is necessary for him to develop his confidence; maybe her carelessness is a way of responding to a change, so that it does not affect her emotionally; maybe her refusal to be responsible is a deep seated fear, that she will gradually come to terms with; maybe her refusal to interact or socialize is necessary for spiritual development, maybe his naivety is necessary to add joy to his life….how many more examples can I give?

The best thing is that all this is making the other partner a better human being.

You are growing in ways you never realized was possible. A relationship is the best way to learn everything about human nature, provided you have the correct way of perceiving the lessons. Just branding a partner as careless, quarrelsome, angry, or irresponsible, is not teaching you anything, (and believe me, they are not that at all; your partner is simply a gift, and you need to decide what you want to do with them) or even adding value to your life. The real learning happens when you start analyzing the effects that the relationship causes. This will automatically bring about the required change in the partners and they will learn to respond with care, admiration, fun and love! What each partner needs is an acceptance of their true self.

Inability to accept someone fully is therefore, the main reason of disappointment.

Advertisements

Success

May be it has something to do with Saturn retrograde, or maybe I’m just created with a peculiar mind. Yes, I’ve been learning Vedic astrology since a few years now, and it has been the most calming influence, so far, in my life. No, I don’t tell you where to look for money or when you are going to get hitched. I’m more interested in what you are, how you have been living your life, what patterns you follow, and what is your life purpose. I don’t have a magic potion to end your suffering. Oh my god, why am I even writing all this! This post is not about astrology.

Astrology was just one source which has led me to understand this:

We follow certain ideologies in life, which lead us to material success. If we do not play the ‘observer’ in life, these ideologies are so deeply imprinted on our selves that we refuse to look beyond these though processes. After all why would we, if they guarantee success? Why would we, if our actions fulfill our desires. Why would we, if our actions fit the norm followed by the society? Why would we, if we are surrounded by hypocrites or well-wishers, who are in awe of our achievements? So, the moment success knocks on our dead doors, we think we have achieved our life purpose. What I have realized that people have a very limited understanding of the term success. It is mostly limited to material achievements and nothing else. This makes them disregard so many other things in life, at which they are truly successful!

When I was young, the thought that I have to study so that I can use my knowledge to earn a living, was never impressed on my mind. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your world view, I was brought up differently. I was allowed to study psychology when I was fascinated by it. I was allowed to study literature when I wanted to. I was given the freedom to explore and not be bound by the rigid norms of my surroundings which at once showed shocking disappointment when I did not choose to study science, engineering or medicine!

But now that I see the entire picture, I realize, I had to choose psychology and literature so that I could share my views on this blog, so that I could understand the subconscious patterns described in astrology. So that I could help people understand why they suffer! Again, I was only following a pattern that was shaping my life purpose. Some call it destiny in a mythical sense.

Our entire life is a small part that has to fit somewhere perfectly in a puzzle. But we fail to see the whole picture and our heads are filled up with pride. Pride in our bloody existence! I do not discount that. Pride becomes a sort of defense mechanism to help us self-validate our existence and stick to our life purpose…to help us play our part perfectly and confidently in this society. After all, a doctor needs to know he is necessary for his service towards humanity, for his service towards his fellowmen!

So, as we follow these subconscious patterns, we may feel confused, if our views and actions do not lead us to material success. This limited view of material success is toxic because it tells us whatever you do, it has to fetch you materials! And things that do not bring material success are mere hobbies, to be dabbled in, in your free time. And the way we treat people, stems exactly from this thought process.

According to me, our ability to think beyond this, to understand how people are created differently and have unique life purpose will help us become more loving and friendly fellow men. In other words, success should make us better human beings…but, here’s the catch…even if it doesn’t, you are still playing your unique part…