Restless

I did nothing this weekend, by which I mean, I did nothing productive this weekend (other than writing this post), and it has left me with an overpowering sense of uselessness and thoughts of an aimless existence. But on the other hand, I needed a break because I have been working really very hard the past week almost to the point of exhaustion. This has made me wonder how do I achieve a balance between these two states of being.

And then I realized I would never be able to feel really comfortable with what I’m doing. By being comfortable I do not mean happy nor do I want to derive a purpose from my activity or feel proud of it. Being comfortable simply means to want to attain the mechanical state of doing without any emotional attachment to the actions.

As I was absorbed thinking along these lines, I made an amazing discovery. Let me share it with you..

We will never feel comfortable with what we are doing because at the subtlest level, the idea of work is related to matter and to achieve any kind of sense from it is the work of the ego. The main reason we feel uncomfortable is because matter changes constantly and the ego derives meaning from matter. This means that if we align more with the ego, we are going to derive meaning, aim, purpose, everything from the matter that is constantly shape shifting. This is bound to keep us in a restless state of existence, which may be perceived as unstable and not something to look forward to (the best example is how we tend to find stability and security in every damned thing on this planet!).

But if we align ourselves with the soul which is eternal and unchanging, we may not feel ‘uncomfortable’. The real difficulty is to make this journey from matter to soul, and it happens when you start living in the present and become an observer, not only of everything around you, but also of yourself, of the matter that you are made of!

 

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Relationships

This post is as random as the others. Essentially this blog serves my purpose of capturing fleeting ideas in their raw form. Sometimes, I also get out of my bed deep into the night to write a post, to make sure my thoughts do not drift away . I’m sure all writers experience this often. And well, I’m lazy too. Some nights I procrastinate a great deal and the next morning all I know is that the muse that was getting me all excited about something has disappeared, the ideas dispersed like seeds to barren lands.

So tonight, I’m back to my blog. Tonight is the auspicious day of Durga Ashtami. No, I’m not going to write a spiritual post..I’m no longer naive. I’m now more interested in the lesser known sacred archetypes and how they help us define our life. But about that, later, in some other post. Well, on Durga Ashtami day, I’ve always experienced a longing of some kind, (which I now call my soul thirst) which is fulfilled only through a creative pursuit such as engaging in a ritual or other artistic pursuit such as writing. It is said that the spiritual energies are at their peak on this day, and I’d like to believe that.

So, here I am, feeling ecstatic and venting it all in the form of words. I’m not going to ramble on. I never pen my thoughts unless I can provide a definite message. Tonight, I’ve been dwelling upon relationships that we have with other people. Well, this area of life is an utter mess for quite a lot of people. I’m not going to state the cliched statements of how ego ruins relationships. It’s time to go beyond that. Ego cannot be eliminated, though it can be ignored after a great deal of practice. What I’ve come to observe is that we have been conditioned to look upon ourselves as ‘me’ and the others as ‘they’. It is always a one versus the other situation which we are trained to look upon since birth. How fanatically we name our child and then religiously teach him his name!

Haven’t you wondered how our perspectives about our parents change as we grow…Parents have always been the same. But with each year, we perceive them in a different light. (If you are lucky enough, you will understand the significance of the choices that they make.) So, why do our perspectives shift? The only logical reason is that the change happens within us. As a rule parents always react when they respond to a child. A child always reacts when he responds back. And this is because we always treat each other as different from us. This locks us in a conflict. And with time the conflict gets deeper and unsolvable. That was the only message of the novel ‘Frankenstein’.

The only way to resolve this conflict is to start treating the other as a part of our self. Just like we do not want to hurt a part of our body, we must not hurt the other. This is the only lesson that we need to learn in life. In other words, all the spiritual practices are geared towards this outcome. And the moment we learn this and start practicing it, life changes for the better!

But then there is hate, envy, greed and vanity. And overcoming these emotions can be a humongous task. But then these are partly nurtured. It is not human nature to harbor these emotions. It is human nature to transform and transcend these emotions..! And today is the day when this transcendence is celebrated. Today on Durga Ashtami day the Goddess Durga destroys an evil demon called Mahishasura. The demon stands for all these negative emotions that we harbor and the goddess stands for the energy that we need to annihilate these demons.

So celebrate this day and your ability to transcend!

[Mark 12:31: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”]

The Con man

Now I know where to turn to when sleep simply refuses me. Of course here, my blog awaits me!

When I come here, it is never with a plan to write or convey anything. It takes place on its own..words begin to fall in line one after the other. Other than that, I simply don’t believe that I really want to write. Because like most other things which befell my way, even writing has come my way. Someone once said that a subject chooses you and it’s not the other way round..so I’m thrown here sometimes excitedly, sometimes in a frenzy and other times lost and confused trying to decipher why I’m here!

Well, this time again I found a new truth! Amazing, how one can understand life in so many ways!

I always thought being a pessimist was wrong..I tried so many ways to change my perceptions, but I guess I’m still a student of life.

Well, there are so many ways to mask one’s pessimism..the best is pretension! How I love it when people think they are trying to fool me…its a pretty art.

Without our egos, we would not identify ourselves! We are not what we are made to believe what we are! And the loathsome beggar that resides in us who goes asking for approval every millisecond of our lives is our accursed ego! Ego is a spirit, an entity who makes us act and behave in a way we would not like to!

But it’s so difficult to see that, aint it? Why would I fear failure anymore if I didnt have to prove to anyone? Why would I feel insulted or proud? why would I feel wronged or hurt? Why would I feel like hurting someone or avenging myself! Why would I feel ugly or disliked? Why would I want social acceptance? Why would I despair!!!

I feel really amused to see people chasing money, ambition, youth, life and then speak about peace and God! Its such a hypocrisy! Poor souls! They are so unaware of it..Because the greatest con man fooling them is their ego!

I love this paradox! Simply because I’m amused to see how I’m being fooled every moment of my life! I’ve always loved films and stories about con men. There is something desirable about them..and at the same time pitiable!

There is nothing one can do much about this than to feel amused! Because it would take more than a lifetime to acknowledge, understand or even come to terms with the conman!