I did nothing this weekend, by which I mean, I did nothing productive this weekend (other than writing this post), and it has left me with an overpowering sense of uselessness and thoughts of an aimless existence. But on the other hand, I needed a break because I have been working really very hard the past week almost to the point of exhaustion. This has made me wonder how do I achieve a balance between these two states of being.
And then I realized I would never be able to feel really comfortable with what I’m doing. By being comfortable I do not mean happy nor do I want to derive a purpose from my activity or feel proud of it. Being comfortable simply means to want to attain the mechanical state of doing without any emotional attachment to the actions.
As I was absorbed thinking along these lines, I made an amazing discovery. Let me share it with you..
We will never feel comfortable with what we are doing because at the subtlest level, the idea of work is related to matter and to achieve any kind of sense from it is the work of the ego. The main reason we feel uncomfortable is because matter changes constantly and the ego derives meaning from matter. This means that if we align more with the ego, we are going to derive meaning, aim, purpose, everything from the matter that is constantly shape shifting. This is bound to keep us in a restless state of existence, which may be perceived as unstable and not something to look forward to (the best example is how we tend to find stability and security in every damned thing on this planet!).
But if we align ourselves with the soul which is eternal and unchanging, we may not feel ‘uncomfortable’. The real difficulty is to make this journey from matter to soul, and it happens when you start living in the present and become an observer, not only of everything around you, but also of yourself, of the matter that you are made of!
Suffering is a reality of our life that we do not readily accept. Maybe after a series of grievous events or vulnerability and helplessness about certain things in life, we do learn to live with it. In the process it may make us demoniac or wise depending on how we take it. And then sooner or later we set out on a quest to understand the nature of such suffering. And what we find is surprising indeed!
Made as we are of matter, we keep attracting more matter. We attract things and people in our life consciously and unconsciously or subconsciously. As matter we cannot escape this quality of our existence and the process is a very strenuous one. We need to compete with different intensities of attraction and naturally the more powerful one wins! But we cannot see this process in such a simple scientific way. We cannot detach ourselves when we are being continually pulled and pushed by different forces; so we end up attaching ourselves emotionally to the outcome. This is how we feel jealous, angry or depressed in the process of competing for matter. And these in other words is suffering. These emotions are monsters designed to keep us away from sanity and reality…because Nature requires both good and bad elements to sustain the creation process.
Well, this does not mean the winner enjoys unending, unconditional bliss.It is typical behavior to be happy in face of victories and sad in face of loss. But this is not how it is in reality. It is actually what we imagine we would feel.Anything that we cannot attract would be very unpleasant for our existence. As a result loss gives us extreme discomfiture. And just because we feel we lost,we wonder how it would have made us feel if we had won. And we attach every agreeable emotion to something that we lost. And it is more intense because it eluded us.
What we fail to understand is the finer implications of such achievements.
The most common example is that of how the poor understand money.For the poor, attaining materialistic things becomes a very acute requirement.But what he doesn’t realize is, there are a plethora of other problems that the rich may suffer. But working on the pleasure principle we would want to attract only the pleasurable things in life. But that is not how nature works. Desiring a life of a king is to invite greater responsibility, worry, enmity and lack of peace. But the common man may be awed only by the wealth and the respect that the king commands.
In the process both parties lose their peace of mind: the poor desiring wealth and the wealthy desiring something else.
This continuous process of desiring one thing after another and the level of intensity in desiring it determines what we get. So the lesser we desire, lesser the suffering.
Once we understand this process and let matter work on its own without attaching ourselves to the outcome, suffering has no chance to destroy us.
This piece is titled Inner Voice…the reason..it’s not me who is writing..but deep something within me, my head, my heart, my mind propels me to convey this to an unknown person or people out there, who might be waiting to receive such a message from an unknown entity…I have no idea what I would be writing..neither do I know how I started writing..maybe some elements of nature interacted with the matter that I’m made of… Funny and incredulous as it sounds, this is what I’m led to believe these days. It wasn’t long ago that the very idea of a God or a cReator created ripples of laughter and amusement in my hollow mind… it may still be hollow!! Or a Hologram.
I still haven’t figured out how people make sense of the world they live in…Like all species we love looking for easy explanations that would make us lie back in the womb comfortably. Wasnt classical physics all about this?? It still is.
But somehow people have begun realizing (and I still dont know what percentage of them) that the myths that could afford explanations and help derive meaning in life, are no longer enough.. they are completely invalidated.. New explanations are beginning to crop up to help us explain our meaning and purpose in life. “Life” a cliche! And now we call it quantum mechanics. I dont claim to have understood it either.
But it is not a term or a myth to be understood, but felt… So after all these years of learning and scientific analysis, we know that there is nothing scientific about anything, rather its metaphysical! And nobody knows why and how the pyramids were built!! Theories and theories… running pages and pages long..
Suddenly it becomes very difficult to lie back and think about these changing realities. Human beings are an amazing species. They have been granted with the wonderful defense mechanisms that take them through life comfortably. I wonder how defence mechanisms were derived! Maybe, like all other things, we should now look at it as another term for mental retardation. Thus the idea of describing an alternate reality is yet another defense mechanism to define the unknown.
New explanation for our purpose in life is also our need to help us define our purpose in life. Why? Why do we need the feel to etch something worthwhile for us for the time we are here?? Why do we need constantly to look for meanings? Why is contentment so hard to come by? We need to know nothing. We need to feel. And once we start feeling we would be led by our intuition to the truth. As Gautam Buddha says, Desire is the root of all evil.
The desire to know the truth is evil.